Monday, November 25, 2013

☾ ☼ ☁

the mornings were sunny
the evenings were lazy
the parks were full of people
the streets were full of fairy lights

and the bookstores were nice.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Today was good

Meiji   Jingu

It's the final month of autumn and i started wearing warm sweaters and puffy coats trying not to think about depression a lot. Truth is, i am the kind of person who isn't tied to any particular season when it comes to feeling depressed. But now, it's just a problematic period which started two or three days ago. That day i realized that I don't want to go to this japanese school any longer which meant something went wrong. I feel better now, though. It's one of the common problems: you find yourself doing something you don't enjoy, and understand that it sucks. I just always thought, this problem applies more to office workers who have always wanted but never had enough faith in themselves and whose mum said "no" anyway. I will spend more time on this issue, just do not want to do it today.

Today was good.

As we were falling asleep somewhen near 4am, he started to breathe loudly on my neck and it tickled. Then he started to blink fast touching my ear with the eyelashes and it tickled even more. I started a fight.

I  often become upset when i think about how little time we have to spend together.

idk but  people  liked  it,  so  here  is  another 
couple of vending machines pictures i took today

Few hours later, i woke up because one of the side effects of the nootropics is insomnia. I wrote something dumb to someone from twitter and fell asleep again.

Few hours later, i woke up because the bed was all shaking. Misha woke up as well and went to the bathroom. It was still shaking. I was really sleepy, not able to understand much, but i liked the feeling. We fell asleep again.

Finally, I woke up at 10am and locked myself in the bathroom because it was cold as hell everywhere outside our bed. We can't leave the air conditioner on all night because it gets harder to breathe after the first 10 minutes of it working. I had a hot shower and put on a new puffy coat. I also put on some make up just to make my panda eyes look not so pand-y. Sometimes, i forgot i should wake Boyfriend up first which costs me washing my face twice in a raw.

I went to wash my face one more time, only that time i was too lazy to put on make up, so i did nothing with my face and returned to my computer.

"I want to buy something."
"Hm, okay, Boyfriend."

I got serious for a few minutes.

"Boyfriend? I can write everything i want to on the internet, right?"
"Of course, why?"
"I don't know. So, there is nothing wrong with it, right? i just wondered, will it be ok if i write about how my grandfather shot himself in the head over a year ago?"
"I would have written. "
"Yeah, ok. I just needed somebody to calm me down with that."

All day long, I was very talkative laughing and making jokes a lot because one of the side effects of the nootropics is psychomotor agitation.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

a rilakkuma's girlfriend is asking for some milk

Halloween is so funny/silly this year.

We leave a restaurant at Harajuku where we just had dinner with his parents, and see the workers decorating the trees with the tiny golden bulbs along the whole Omotesando Hills. "Christmas officially begins in Tokyo, I guess" he says and i smile. It looks so beautiful.

Shinbashi, 33 floor

The next morning I come to starbucks for the morning coffee. The ceiling is red, the staff is wearing red aprons. There are ginger cookies on the shelves and the snowflakes printed on the cups. "Please, don't get upset that the halloween is over, look at all the tiny snowflakes printed on your plastic cup." Japanese are thoughtful. No, really. I smile again.

Evening same day we go to Billboard Live Tokyo to listen to some japanese jazz. Boyfriend is nervous because his parents are with us. We are having dinner and the concert is great. I'm almost crying how good Ino Hidefumi is. The name of every composition appears in japanese at the board on the stage, so we stand up slightly every time he starts a new one, trying to read what is written and translate it to english. We are overexcited. We are laughing. My palms hurt.

Ino Hidefumi

I wake up next morning and start cleaning our apartment. His parents may come before the dinner. 15 minutes later he wakes up with the words "They broke up", not meaning his parents. I don't really know them or ever tried to but i will be upset quietly till the next day and even cry a little when the evening come. "Come here, please stop. Let's fall asleep" he will say and i will come to him and we will fall asleep even though it will be only 10 p.m. But now it's morning and we are on our way to meet his parents in the hotel to have breakfast together.

pretty place, Roppongi

When we come, it turns out his mother caught a cold. "It's all because of the air conditioner." We take his father to Ginza and wait till he finishes his sandwich with cappuccino (he always orders cappuccinos and always says how tasty it was. i like coffee too). I begin to draw ghosts. "Hey, lamb, time to go." We get on the train which takes us to the design festival leaving his father among the antiques stores. We will have our breakfast on the train. He will buy me a coffee although he hate me drinking it, affectionately calling it "soot".

Design Festa is so sick
we bought a puppy there

We are wandering around DesignFesta looking at the absolutely crazy things. The exhibition is so huge, we jump from stand to stand non stop and it'll take 4 hours to complete our journey through all the presented artwork. I see the guys who follow me on the internet. They are among the performers today. 

"Let's go to karaoke someday!"

By the evening the atmosphere is getting tenser. His father raises his voice.

"Let's ask for a bill, I won't be able to answer his questions."

"Come here, please stop. Let's fall asleep."

"I will come alone today, stay home." "But i want to come with you. I don't want to leave you alone. Besides, i have no money anyway." "Here. Please, buy yourself something to eat." I don't want to. Shit, i left my keys at home. I sit by the door waiting. Wi-fi is working and i can ask him how the meeting's going. He sounds exhausted and it makes me feel sadder than usual. We meet at 4:20pm and go to eat some raw fish.

"Why are you crying? Let's watch a movie. A stupid one which i would rate by 5 from 10. I'm too tired for anything more than that." I wanted to watch new Sophia Coppola no matter what and he wanted something not worth watching. We download Bling Ring. 

All the next day i stay home alone again. Drawing dinosaurs and girls. He says to meet him and his parents for dinner at 7pm.

"She looks stylish today."
"Mum, she always does."
"No. Not always."

Tomorrow everything will be as it was, nothing will change, so i'd better go do my homework.