Monday, December 9, 2013

"i'll be wearing a yellow coat so easy to find!"

will he come alone or with his friend? maybe he finally convinced him to come?

no, he was alone. we decided to meet at the shibuya station near the hachiko statue. thousands of people around and the only one was wearing a yellow coat.

his nickname is Gordeau although he doesn't know a word of french (later this evening, he asked us not to call him this name but call him his real name (Yuki) because he was too drunk to understand we were actually talking to him).

"Gordeau? do you know any karaoke nearby?"
"i have no idea!"
"but you are the one who is japanese here! how could you not know?!"
"i don't go to shibuya so often."
"but how? it's one of the central districts."
"it's too crowded and i don't feel comfortable in the crowds."
"so where do you usually spend your time then?"
"at home. drawing."

he looked very good that day. that yellow coat, a cosy sweater, skinny jeans. long shiny hair, glasses. his skin was so thin and smooth, i was surprised when he said he is 27. it's not only about his skin. he acted like a 19 years old child, only there was no aggression in him that so often comes along with the guys this age, no douchebagness, if you will. i can't remember the last time it happened when I saw someone as a peer and felt comfortable near him at the same time.

"is it your natural hair color?"
"you gotta be kidding me, my hair are pink. *caugh* i mean, of course it is, why."

new friend and boyfriend ordered some food. i asked for a glass of red wine. nobody knew how it happened but we emptied almost three decanters of red wine not counting two apple sours ordered especially by/for boyfriend. we spent almost four hours in karaoke singing our favorite songs and writing down the titles of each other's good song choices. we sang a lot. we shouted even more. when our time ended we went outside, to the night shibuya district. going home wasn't an option yet.

"do you like dancing?"
"hell yeeess!"
"whoa! boyfriend, let's go dancing!"
"... ok, now take my hand, you don't want to get lost. where is Gordeau?"

back then, i felt like boyfriend was the only adult that night. who had to look after the other two of us naughty children. we chose a place i read about before, it was on top of the timeout ratings. however, when we came there, the club was almost empty though the entrance fee was expensive.
the only thing that stopped me from crying was those three glasses of wine inside me.


"i want to drink more!"
"i think this isn't really a good idea."
"oh, ok. do you guys like bowling?"

the next moment, he was already calling to the nearest bowling club without waiting for our answer.

"i'm so sorry but we are drunk and don't  know how to get to your place, so we would be very grateful if you told us the way."

"did he really say that? how cute!"
(the next time we met, he asked a policeman if he could tell us where we could find the nearest pizzeria.)

i remembered how my classmates from the middle school used to spent their birthdays at the bowling clubs. that was the reason i could beat 4 strikes in a row when i was 12. that was also the reason why i got sick of bowling and haven't been playing in it since then. so, when i picked up a bowling ball that night, i didn't quite understood what i had to do with it.

everything went pretty nice though. boyfriend threw strikes, Yuki was crawling on the floor when he was losing, laughing when he was satisfied with himself and taking pictures of me every time i was getting ready with my ball.

every time i nocked down at least one pin, he gave me high fives which was so nice and.. pure? that after every high five we didn't pull our hands away immediately because we were overexcited and very tired at the same time.

we made it through two games and then got bored. how surprised Yuki was to see that i wasn't the one who lost both of them.

looking back on that evening, i think that Gordeau would've been just in place in "the perks of being a wallflower". he was so awkward but so naive and kind. however, i think i kinda fear him. every time i meet someone like him, i think "everything is so good about this person, something must be wrong with him. terrifyingly wrong."

he said that he didn't attend the university and began drawing/designing games by himself.

"i attended the art courses for about one year but i saw that my skills weren't improving anyhow so i quit."

now he works at the game design company 10 hours a day, "telling people what to do" as he called it himself. truth is, it makes me worried about my dream to enter the school of arts but i'll apply anyway. it just there is more than a will to improve skills behind this dream but this is a completely different story.

Monday, November 25, 2013

☾ ☼ ☁

the mornings were sunny
the evenings were lazy
the parks were full of people
the streets were full of fairy lights

and the bookstores were nice.

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Today was good

Meiji   Jingu

It's the final month of autumn and i started wearing warm sweaters and puffy coats trying not to think about depression a lot. Truth is, i am the kind of person who isn't tied to any particular season when it comes to feeling depressed. But now, it's just a problematic period which started two or three days ago. That day i realized that I don't want to go to this japanese school any longer which meant something went wrong. I feel better now, though. It's one of the common problems: you find yourself doing something you don't enjoy, and understand that it sucks. I just always thought, this problem applies more to office workers who have always wanted but never had enough faith in themselves and whose mum said "no" anyway. I will spend more time on this issue, just do not want to do it today.

Today was good.

As we were falling asleep somewhen near 4am, he started to breathe loudly on my neck and it tickled. Then he started to blink fast touching my ear with the eyelashes and it tickled even more. I started a fight.

I  often become upset when i think about how little time we have to spend together.

idk but  people  liked  it,  so  here  is  another 
couple of vending machines pictures i took today

Few hours later, i woke up because one of the side effects of the nootropics is insomnia. I wrote something dumb to someone from twitter and fell asleep again.

Few hours later, i woke up because the bed was all shaking. Misha woke up as well and went to the bathroom. It was still shaking. I was really sleepy, not able to understand much, but i liked the feeling. We fell asleep again.

Finally, I woke up at 10am and locked myself in the bathroom because it was cold as hell everywhere outside our bed. We can't leave the air conditioner on all night because it gets harder to breathe after the first 10 minutes of it working. I had a hot shower and put on a new puffy coat. I also put on some make up just to make my panda eyes look not so pand-y. Sometimes, i forgot i should wake Boyfriend up first which costs me washing my face twice in a raw.

I went to wash my face one more time, only that time i was too lazy to put on make up, so i did nothing with my face and returned to my computer.

"I want to buy something."
"Hm, okay, Boyfriend."

I got serious for a few minutes.

"Boyfriend? I can write everything i want to on the internet, right?"
"Of course, why?"
"I don't know. So, there is nothing wrong with it, right? i just wondered, will it be ok if i write about how my grandfather shot himself in the head over a year ago?"
"I would have written. "
"Yeah, ok. I just needed somebody to calm me down with that."

All day long, I was very talkative laughing and making jokes a lot because one of the side effects of the nootropics is psychomotor agitation.

Wednesday, November 6, 2013

a rilakkuma's girlfriend is asking for some milk

Halloween is so funny/silly this year.

We leave a restaurant at Harajuku where we just had dinner with his parents, and see the workers decorating the trees with the tiny golden bulbs along the whole Omotesando Hills. "Christmas officially begins in Tokyo, I guess" he says and i smile. It looks so beautiful.

Shinbashi, 33 floor

The next morning I come to starbucks for the morning coffee. The ceiling is red, the staff is wearing red aprons. There are ginger cookies on the shelves and the snowflakes printed on the cups. "Please, don't get upset that the halloween is over, look at all the tiny snowflakes printed on your plastic cup." Japanese are thoughtful. No, really. I smile again.

Evening same day we go to Billboard Live Tokyo to listen to some japanese jazz. Boyfriend is nervous because his parents are with us. We are having dinner and the concert is great. I'm almost crying how good Ino Hidefumi is. The name of every composition appears in japanese at the board on the stage, so we stand up slightly every time he starts a new one, trying to read what is written and translate it to english. We are overexcited. We are laughing. My palms hurt.

Ino Hidefumi

I wake up next morning and start cleaning our apartment. His parents may come before the dinner. 15 minutes later he wakes up with the words "They broke up", not meaning his parents. I don't really know them or ever tried to but i will be upset quietly till the next day and even cry a little when the evening come. "Come here, please stop. Let's fall asleep" he will say and i will come to him and we will fall asleep even though it will be only 10 p.m. But now it's morning and we are on our way to meet his parents in the hotel to have breakfast together.

pretty place, Roppongi

When we come, it turns out his mother caught a cold. "It's all because of the air conditioner." We take his father to Ginza and wait till he finishes his sandwich with cappuccino (he always orders cappuccinos and always says how tasty it was. i like coffee too). I begin to draw ghosts. "Hey, lamb, time to go." We get on the train which takes us to the design festival leaving his father among the antiques stores. We will have our breakfast on the train. He will buy me a coffee although he hate me drinking it, affectionately calling it "soot".

Design Festa is so sick
we bought a puppy there

We are wandering around DesignFesta looking at the absolutely crazy things. The exhibition is so huge, we jump from stand to stand non stop and it'll take 4 hours to complete our journey through all the presented artwork. I see the guys who follow me on the internet. They are among the performers today. 

"Let's go to karaoke someday!"

By the evening the atmosphere is getting tenser. His father raises his voice.

"Let's ask for a bill, I won't be able to answer his questions."

"Come here, please stop. Let's fall asleep."

"I will come alone today, stay home." "But i want to come with you. I don't want to leave you alone. Besides, i have no money anyway." "Here. Please, buy yourself something to eat." I don't want to. Shit, i left my keys at home. I sit by the door waiting. Wi-fi is working and i can ask him how the meeting's going. He sounds exhausted and it makes me feel sadder than usual. We meet at 4:20pm and go to eat some raw fish.

"Why are you crying? Let's watch a movie. A stupid one which i would rate by 5 from 10. I'm too tired for anything more than that." I wanted to watch new Sophia Coppola no matter what and he wanted something not worth watching. We download Bling Ring. 

All the next day i stay home alone again. Drawing dinosaurs and girls. He says to meet him and his parents for dinner at 7pm.

"She looks stylish today."
"Mum, she always does."
"No. Not always."

Tomorrow everything will be as it was, nothing will change, so i'd better go do my homework.

Sunday, October 20, 2013


my bedroom in my mum's apartment

Things started to get weird in my Japanese school. I already mentioned a couple of funny moments on my blog and also on twitter. But there are still few of them which i haven't posted anywhere yet. So, now i want to keep them together.

Put the verb in brackets in the right form:

"A friend of mine told me that someone [to touch] her ass in the  train."

"A thief [to brake into] my house last night.
 What?! Did he steal something?
 He stole the money and.. the manga!"

"Sensei: A-san skipped school yesterday, right?
 Student: No, sensei, he was [to hit] by a car."

Then, these sensei-student dialogs that happened last week: 

"Sensei: Students! What do you like most, Tokyo Disneyland or Tokyo Disney Sea?
 Sensei: Well, as for me, I prefer Disney Sea. Why? Well, they sell beer there."

"Sensei: Students! Tell me, why did you choose our school?
 A girl: My mother told me to go here. So, I'm here.
 Sensei: Your mother told you and you just obeyed, is that all?
 A girl: Hmm, yes.
 later on, same girl
 Sensei: Well, how do you find your life here in Japan?
 A girl: I enjoy it.
 Sensei: Can you describe why?
 A girl: My mother isn't here."

my Japanese classroom

Don't know if it makes sense but I find all these small dialogs so much fun. I always write them down into my sketchbook (because  it's always open) to show them to Boyfriend after school.

Thursday, October 17, 2013

HOW'S IT [news post]

DR RUDY'S HERE! (s o r r y)

I've got a little bit bored writing about our journey to Bhutan. It doesn't mean I'll stop doing it but I just want to take a break for a while.

So, this one is going to be just stupid and funny:

like this video of me speaking enthusiastically about my sharks

oh this one where I.. agh

or "photos of the month" of me and Boyfriend

or just an old picture of me

or my latest drawings!

or this conversation in my Japanese class
So, the teacher asks if any of us have ever been to karaoke in Japan. And this girl and a boy next to her rise their hands. The teacher asks a boy if a girl has a beautiful voice. He says "yes". Then, the teacher asks a girl the same question now about the boy. She says "I don't know".
"How can you not know? You were in karaoke together!"
"Yeah, but he drank a lot and fell asleep."
"So, you were singing alone?"

Also, I saw this cute lady in a kimono drinking coffee in starbucks next to me at 8am

L-R: I'm on my way from school, and it's getting 
dark / a dead moth in a glass  elevator

L-R: a showcase in a cafe "waffles and beer because you deserve it, woman!" / a sushiaya somewhere near Nakano Broadway

L-R: coconut water / apple juice
L-R: a new member of our family aka YOTSUBA riding banana / sugarless 
chewing gums (persimmon, fruits in cream, chestnut and chocolate)

L-R: I'm / actually
L-R: trying to / DRAW

L-R: a baby pumpkin / a curved baby pumpkin
L-R: a boxful of baby pumpkins / a baby pumpkin swastika

L-R: hello / zines in a bookstore
L-R: my upgraded moleskine / another pair of zines 

Mm.. what else did I forget to tell you?..

My socks have ducks on them!, not that.

These socks have socks on them!


The next news will be about Japan. The strongest typhoon in 10 years came to Tokyo. 14 people were found dead, police are searching for the missing and the storm continues to flood the houses and cause a traffic chaos. The trains stopped, several flights were called off, and many schools are closed for today. Even my classes were cancelled

So, yes. Today we "refrained from going outside" and it was good. I, finally, put everything I wanted to put together in the post and drew without being distracted by anyone.

I wore a rilakkuma hat the last three days and that's what it led to. Sturbucks staff drew the bears on my coffee cups each time I went there. Now I'm interested in what's next. Will she continue drawing bears on my cups? Anyway, I'll definitely write about it later).